A letter to my future self

To my older self: Rosie

In the future, I probably have abandoned this blog. I probably have changed. A lot.

Hey, older Rosie. Are you still sad all the time? But still happy about it because you still find beauty in sadness that you just like feeling sad? I’m not sure. Change is inevitable. 

Hey Rosie, what school did you end up in? Poly? JC? I do hope it’s JC tho(hahahha). Did you manage to go to university and become a vet? Did you continue pursuing your ultimate goal in life? If you did, I’m glad. But if you didn’t, please, go back. Becoming a successful author–spreading my ideals and message thru my books…it’s the dream that I have carried until now while I’m typing this letter, for 5 years already. Please don’t give it up. Be like Naruto, never give up on your biggest dream. So if you have abandoned this dream, do go and get it back.

Rosie, are you still smiling everyday and laughing with your friends? Do you still have that ridiculous selective memory that finds remembering bad things so difficult? I hope you do, although it has caused me to lose some objects now and then. Rosie, are you still smiling through your teeth? If you are, go on. Fake it. Fake it. It’s the only way to reclaim just a teeny tiny bit of light that’s left in you, or have you already found salvation? 

Hey Rosie, when you look back, you most probably think I’m really stupid. I think that the myself in every year except today is very stupid. It happens every year. I want to run into a corner and hide my face whenever I think about my stupid sec one self. Hahha. You will probably find the me who longed so badly for the one she thought could give her light in her deep cold dark world really stupid. I still think like that now, but I’ll probably think differently in the future. 

Rosie, are you still melancholic? Do you still like fantasing about releasing your inner demon and then killing everyone in the world? I wish I can stop being so emo but hahaha I can’t tell myself to stop if my heart doesn’t want to. It’s part of me. But maybe you will be able to. 🙂 Maybe you’ll either find the one that can save your broken self, or be strong enough to find it yourself. If you weren’t able to, then that’s fine too. It’s all great, in its own way. 

Rosie, I don’t know if you’re happy now, and truly at peace. Or are you broken worse than ever, ready to grab a knife and kil whoever caused your despair? Or are you still that awkward girl who just sits alone at the side and stays melancholic? I don’t know.

But whatever you’re facing,  I don’t care. Just know that I admire you. No matter what you have become, no matter what you are –I believe in you. I believe you will become a famous author –or are you already?  Rosie,.listen. If you feel alone, if you feel like the whole world abandoned you, know that I won’t. I’m just a remnant of your past, but my memory will stay with you. My memory will make you stronger. I admire you wholeheartedly because you are the future me, someone I know will become great one day. So if you are sad, if you are depressed, don’t give up! Don’t you dare give up. Only do when you know it IS the right choice.

I have to stop typing now. I hope you’ll read this when I’m all grown up and adult. You probably think I’m a stupid immature teen. Whatever it is, please do listen you whatever I have said.

From your younger self,